I’m gonna start writing a little story, completely made up from my mind I think… so from now on, my chapters for my life story, will also have the tags “autobiography” on them. 

Chapter Four

So, I guess it’s been a while since I last wrote something to this little project of mine.

In the last chapter, I told you a little about my family and some of my time in kindergarten. Well, lets move onto primary school!

I used to be a pretty bright lad back when I was a kid. I’d listen to everything the teachers would ask of me and I’d be dead keen to get homework, basically; I was a teachers pet.

Our teacher used to be super nice though, she was called Frau Albeck and she was 64 years old I think, I remember her age because I saw her date of birth on a sheet somewhere and I had to work it out for myself, which was pretty hard considering I was only like 7 years old at the time!

Anyway, in primary school is where I had my first love. It was really weird and I used to be so shy, so we’d barely ever talk but when we did, I’d feel like super happy inside and I’d go home and brag to my mum that I spoke with her that day… I used to be a sad kid.

When we had break times, all the kids would be sent into the front yard to play around, so when she’d come over to talk to me, I’d run away and she’d chase me for as long as I kept running, it was actually kinda cute but I wish I’d had the balls back then to properly talk with her every single day.

I used to be in the drama club in primary school back in Germany, so we’d do a lot of plays and all the kids’ families and friends would come and watch. I remember that my friend, Florian, would be the announcer, he’d just read the story out and we’d do the acting. He had the easy job, but I had the fun one.

We did Romeo + Juliet one time and it was like a miracle really: I was chosen as Romeo and she was Juliet, can you believe it? I certainly couldn’t! I ran home that day and just told my mum all about it and started rehearsing my lines at any time possible.

During this time of the year, I also did well in the football team trials and I was chosen to be a starting member of the team, it felt quite good knowing that I would be able to play together with all my friends, especially my best friend in school, Luca. We were quite the duo to be honest with you! I wore the number 9 on my kit an he had the number 10 and we were the two strikers.

Our team got to the quarter finals in the regional school tournament but we were beat 2-0, that day sucked.

Going back to the original story. There was only a couple days left until the play and we were in the theatre whenever we had breaks to rehearse it altogether, the whole drama club. It was quite frantic really but it all turned out well, we got the set ready and everyone had properly learned their lines for their own roles. Believe it or not, some kid once learned the wrong lines and ran off the stage crying, it was actually quite funny, I laughed.

After the play, we got our applaude, bowed to the audience and then left to get changed and go home with our parents. After coming out of the changing rooms, the girl I’ve been talking about for most of this chapter, who’s name by the way, was Caroline, she came over to me and hugged me and told me that I did great. I barely slept that night. I was so happy to have gotten a hug off her that I was delirious and was imagining all these scenarios where she might kiss me on the cheek one day (remember, I was only 7 at the time, so nothing adult here, just a child with pure thoughts!).

I think I’ll end this chapter here now. I’m actually on the train right now and I’ve got no Internet connection so I’ve decided to write some more. I might start writing chapter five of the epic life story later if I’m feeling good.

Bye!

Chapter Three

Alright, I guess it’s about time to write this. Sorry for any readers out there that I’ve been dragging my feet, I was just really busy over the last month so I didn’t really get a chance to write any more.

So, here we go.

So I turned 4, and my little sister, Semiha (now born) came to be. I started Kindergarten, which was all very exciting, up until the moment my mum put me inside and took my jacket off and then walked off out of the big door, which was magnetic, but at the time I had no idea, so I’d literally be stood in front of the door crying for half an hour, begging my mum to come back, that was throughout my first week of kindergarten. I, of course, got used to it afterwards and made a lot of friends ( I mean, come on, who wouldn’t wanna be friends with this guy? I’m adorable!). We used to hang out coats up on the racks and then go to our class rooms.

At the time, they didn’t have the “nap time” kids get nowadays, so instead, to keep us up all day, they’d stuff us full of sugar! Can you believe the audacity of these people?! I remember my favourite dinner we ever had at kindergarten, it was pizza, and because I was the odd-one-out (still am), I went and poured apple sauce on my pizza, which believe it or not, made it absolutely delightful, I still remember that sweet but spiced taste, and this was 16 years ago.

We used to have a lot of “play time”, where the teachers would quite literally throw us out and just let us ran around for an hour to get rid of all the excess energy in our system. We had slides, sand pits, swings and even a tree house! There was no denying that we all loved kindergarten, it was great.

One day, I said to my teacher, who was also my first crush,”Miss, when I’m older, really handsome and rich, will you marry me?” and as you would expect, she said the very same words every other teacher would say to a 4 year old, “Of course I will”. I was so happy that I just went running around the whole yard!

Then one day, she brought in some random guy we’d never seen before and said,” Class, say hello to Dennis, my fiancée”, I didn’t know what ‘fiancée’ meant so I thought he was just a friend, so I, with an extremely happy voice shouted, “HI DENNIS!!”. Later on, I asked one of the other teachers what ‘fiancée’ meant. She said it’s people who’ve agreed to get married, and as you’d expect from a rampant little idiot, I ran to class and looked for Dennis.

When I found him, I walked up to him from behind and kicked him in the, how should I put this delicately, crown jewels. I was proud of what I did for a split second, and then my teacher (I just remembered I haven’t told you her name yet, she was called Ms. Biel), just screamed at me and put me in the naughty room. Of course I apologised to him and me and Ms. Biel had a normal teacher-stupid kid relationship.

It’s been a long time, but I’d like to apologise to Dennis again, if something ever ceased to ‘function’.

I’ll end this chapter here. I talked a tiny bit about family, and quite a lot about school/education. I hope you enjoyed it, and look forward to Chapter Four of my epic life story.

Chapter Two

Right, so to add a sense of continuity to the story, I’ll talk about my family a little, but I’ll mention whether they were born yet or not, just so no one gets confused.

At the time, my parents used to work at Metro, it was a warehouse where they stored multiple conglomerates’ stock. They would leave me alone sometimes with my little brother, Hanifi, who at the time had only just turned one, and little did I know that within a years time, I’d be nursing another sibling, my little sister, Semiha (not born yet), who always used to cry as soon as my parents stepped out the door.

It was a lot of fun spending time with him, I would just turn the TV on to any kids channel and we’d stay up all night, staring at the screen. I would occasionally just throw him into his crib, I know, shocking right? What do you expect, I was three years old! I’d often join him in there and we’d just like, go to wrestle but then we’d fall asleep within a manner of minutes. Ah, those were the days.

Our family used to have a lot of fun going to a local swimming pool, which we (the kids) used to call ” der Platz mit dem Erdbeeren” or just “Erdbeere” for short. Let me translate that for you,” The place with strawberries”. Strange name for a swimming pool, right? Wrong.

We were little kids and since our memory wasn’t going to remember anything longer than a three syllable word, that’s what we called it. We had a lot of fun there.

I still remember my first dive into the water. I was scared to go near it and my dad started talking to me,”It’s alright, just go for it. We’re Turkish men and swimming is our specialty”, but at the time, all I could think of was what being Turkish had anything to do with swimming. I said to him,” Alright, but you have to dive in too and get me out after I’ve dived in or I might drown”. He looked at me and said,” Alright, I’m right behind you”. I dived in and he never did, I got out of the water (it was surprisingly easy but I was still a wuss back in these days, I’m hard now…obviously.) and stormed up to my dad and went ballistic.

I still mention it when we go swimming, about how he could’ve traumatized me (I’m a drama queen sometimes, sue me), but, he didn’t, I love to swim and what he said may have been partially right, I think swimming’s definitely in my blood, but I still disagree on it having anything to do with me being Turkish.

To get you all ready for the next chapter that will be coming soon, here’s a bit of a spoiler: I’ll be talking about my school days, and a little more about my family.

Look forward to it.

Chapter One

Alright, so with this chapter I’ll begin my story about my life.

I’ll just introduce myself for those of you out there, who haven’t the foggiest on who I am (which is pretty much most of you). My name is Zamir Kaya and I was born in Düsseldorf, Germany on the 23rd of August 1992. My parents names are Senturk Kaya (Father) and Meryem Kaya (Mother). I also have two younger siblings, my brother, Hanifi Kaya and my sister, Semiha Kaya.

It was a great time back when I was born and we lived in Germany, before everything that could possibly go wrong, started to go wrong.

One of my earliest childhood memories, that has stuck with me until this very day, was back when I was a small, three year old in our little flat on Eupener Strasse. I wanted to play on my Super Nintendo but my dad had plugged the cables out so I’d stop playing on Super Mario Bros. I was trying to plug in my Super Nintendo’s cable into the TV, and as you can most likely guess, the inevitable happened. I pulled the cable too hard (I must’ve been one strong three year old!) and the TV fell and the screen was smashed to smithereens. To this day, I still blame it all on my parents. Why on earth would you let a three year old toddler anywhere near a TV? It’s ludicrous!

I also remember one night back in ‘96, where my auntie harassed me. I’ve told this story a million times and without fail, it’s slightly changed every time to add more drama, but since I’m doing this with no lies, just straight stories, you’ll be getting the original story from me.

So there I was, in our little flat, bugging my auntie to come play on my Super Nintendo with me, and it took me about 30 minutes to convince her to play. We ended up playing through the entire night, and because she hadn’t slept all night, she failed her test the morning after - oops! So she came back later that day, screaming with a furious look in her eyes. “It’s all your fault! I just definitely botched up my test because of you and your ridiculous games!”, she said (of course our conversation wasn’t in English, but if I wrote down the original manuscript which was in Turkish, you wouldn’t have understood a word of it now, would you? Oh and yeah, I’m quad lingual, but we’ll get back to that, now to the story at hand). So then in reply, I said, “It wasn’t my fault, I never made you play, you could’ve just said you had a test and I’d have stopped bugging you.”. She stormed out of the room with a look in her eyes that I still, to this day, remember clearly. You know that face Darth Sidious has on when he’s striking Mace Windu down with Force Lightning in The Revenge of the Sith (Yes, I’m a Star Wars lover.)? That’s exactly what it looked like!

So, the next night, she asked if I wanted to watch a film, I naively agreed and sat down, little did I know that she’d already planned the entire night out and it was going to be torture for me. The clock turned to midnight and the film finished, and as I was getting up to go to bed, I went to say, “Night, aun-“, she grabbed me, tied my hands behind my back and then sellotaped my eyelids to my forehead so I couldn’t close them and get to sleep and she’d got a rope and tied it all around me so I couldn’t use my hands to take them off. What happened was; I had basically been kidnapped by my own aunt in my own house. She then turned the TV on and left me there all night, I only got about 30 minutes sleep, and that was with my eyelids still sellotaped (If my friends are reading this, you now know why I used to sleep with my eyes open, this is a hilarious story which we’ll come back to in later chapters). This lead to me, never messing with her again.

To my aunt, if you’re reading this, give my regards to your husband and give a big smooch to the cutest niece in the whole world.

Oh, I guess I should explain. Me and my aunt grew up like siblings, she would spend most of her time with me, watching films, playing games and such. To this day, we’re still the same, which is why I consider her daughter to be my niece, not a cousin. I love you both, very much.

I guess, with that, I’ll conclude this chapter.

Hmm, that was rather touching if you ask me, what did you think?

So, I will be using this blog from now on to just write out stuff about my life: past, present and what i’m hoping for in the future.

it’s sort of going to be like an autobiography for myself, and if things go well enough, i’ve already considered having it made into a little book :)